I
once acted for a woman who had four children, ALL of whom
were the victims of extreme family violence. In fact, by
the time she came to see me, she had already lost her eldest
son to suicide brought about through the abuse inflicted by
his father.
I
will never forget her distress and sorrow or the heart-wrenching
plea she made to me as a lawyer. She was a domestic violence
statistic and so were her three remaining children. With tears
streaming down her face she begged me for help against her abusive husband saying, “I
have already lost one child. Please help me not to lose any
more.”
I promised her that I would do everything in my power to not
only protect the children but her as well. Indeed, I couldn’t
realistically do otherwise. This was one of the worst domestic
violence cases I had come across. Where a spouse is the victim
of an abusive husband, then the children are also. The psychological
impact on children of knowing that one of their parents is abusing
the other is not to be underestimated. Add to this family violence on the children directly - the results can be fatal!
The
oldest son, who was seventeen years old, had jumped off the
balcony of the top floor of a high-rise set of Units. He had
taken the brunt of the abuse to try and protect his three younger
sisters from it. Mum was the recipient of vicious spousal abuse
and beatings – she couldn’t really help him. It
all got too much and this young man decided that life was too
horrible to bear.
There was only one way I could protect the other three children
and their mother. It meant relocating them, changing their identities
and obtaining Restraining Orders (based on domestic violence
law) that the father be PROHIBITED from having ANY contact at
all with them. While the Court granted the Orders I wanted, I remain especially thankful to the Principal and staff
of the children’s school, the Lutheran Church and the
Women’s Shelter for the extraordinary steps they all went
to, so that I could deliver on the promise that I made to them
and their mother.
Some
months later the mother and children contacted me. They were
so happy with their new life and couldn’t thank me enough.
Everyone was completely different. No longer were the children
tearful, fearful, stressed or depressed but relaxed, bright,
witty and looking forward to life.
I
sat quietly at my desk and reflected on the oldest boy. Although
I never had the pleasure of meeting him, I realised why he took
his own life. He knew that a life lived in fear was bad enough………….but
a life without hope was no life at all.
© Barry J.
Roche