I STAY MARRIED OR
all marriages are the same so who's to say what's
acceptable and what isn't. There are married couples
who "swing" and I don't mean in the park!
Yet, they seem to be happily married - at least they
often say they are.
do know that the major causes of marriage breakup
Debt and lack of money.
Lack of sex.
Spousal Abuse - either emotional, verbal and/or physical.
Baggage from a previous relationship or from childhood.
financial struggle gets too burdensome and a better
offer comes a long, that spouse is likely to head
for greener pastures! Lack of sex or a complete absence
of marital bedroom gymnastics won't meet the needs
of a person with a healthy libido. If a person has
needs you can bet they will eventually seek a solution
to their frustration!
violence is simply unacceptable. Some experts believe
that perpetrators of spousal abuse can change their
ways. I have my doubts. If the violence is due to
alcohol or stress and these triggers are removed,
then the abuse shouldn't occur. However, this is not
the same thing as a "cure". Don't stay married
if it means being wedded to domestic violence.
view is that if you suffer from Battered Wife Syndrome,
the sooner you separate and divorce the better! Still,
most women in this situation put up with spousal abuse
(and therefore remain a domestic violence victim)
in the hope that he will change or that if they "walk
on eggshells" the other spouse won't get angry
is a tricky one. For many women, one strike and he's
out. However, infidelity is no longer gender specific
and many women today have had or have contemplated,
has resulted in a somewhat more liberal approach in
the sense that women now understand better how easy
a spouse can fall into an illicit relationship these
days - even though the reasons differ as between men
marriages work in spite of the husband being a "player".
They didn't marry him for his "faithfulness"
but for other benefits such as wealth, status, fame,
etc. Other wives have accepted the husband's regret
at a one-off "foolish mistake" and forgiven
him. The same goes for some men who have been on the
receiving end of an extra marital affair. Still, a
cheating spouse is NOT generally tolerated - even
once. In fact, it is the quickest way of landing in
the divorce court that I know of!
brings us to baggage. Now we all have SOME baggage.
We may have been married and divorced once or twice
before. It may be that we have issues from an unhappy
childhood that impact negatively on our lives as we
get older. What about the "baggage" associated
with have young children from some other relationship?
Problems with child visitations, abusive ex-husband's
and hassles with child support can really put a girl
off! Either they're fixable, manageable or .... they're
in the too hard basket and it's time to move on.
left Unrealistic Expectations to last for a reason.
Most people who get married do not really understand
why they are getting married. They think it's because
they love the other person whereas the real underlying
reason is this: -
think that the other person will fulfill their needs.
This is the main reason why they love the other person.
Think about this. They see their new spouse as the
person who is going to make their life complete. Past
baggage will disappear, as their new partner fulfils
all their dreams. The areas in which he or she doesn't
currently deliver on .... well, he or she foolishly
thinks that they''ll just change that over time! Big
mistake. This explains why so many people marry someone
that they really aren't suited for.
do you stay in your marriage or not?
really depends on your own values. There is no right
or wrong answer for everyone. However, whatever decision
you make, make it honestly. Don't kid yourself. Make
sure that you think it through ... especially if you
still love your spouse. As Oprah says, "We are
not our mistakes". It may be that counselling
can help save the marriage. Unfortunately, by the
time one spouse has reached a point where he or she
is contemplating separation and divorce, it is often
in the case of infidelity and perhaps spousal abuse,
the decision to stay married or get divorced is one
that often takes time to consider. The practical consequences
should be looked at and you should talk these over
with a divorce lawyer who is also familiar with any
Social Security and/or tax implications.
final thought. While most people who get divorced
believe that they made the right decision, they often
feel that had they done things differently BEFORE
they went off the rails, they may have been able to
save their marriage.
most people think they want a divorce, what they really
want is a change. If you think that there is a chance
of saving your marriage BUT you don't know where to
start. I strongly suggest you that you take steps
Click Here To Find Out More!
you decide, know that there is life after divorce
... just ask some of your divorced friends!
Barry J. Roche
Roche is the founder of the Womens Divorce Self-Help
Club and the author of numerous divorce articles
and ebooks including, “How To Win When
Facing Divorce”. He is a former Divorce
Lawyer who wrote this book specifically to help
women not just survive divorce, but come out
not feeling a victim. The book is available
for purchase at
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you need to know about is ALIMONY.
is the ALIMONY FORMULA in a divorce?
Have Already Lost One Child. Please Help Me Not To
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