This has resulted in a somewhat more liberal approach in the sense that women now understand better how easy a spouse can fall into an illicit relationship these days - even though the reasons differ as between men and women.

Some marriages work in spite of the husband being a "player". They didn't marry him for his "faithfulness" but for other benefits such as wealth, status, fame, etc. Other wives have accepted the husband's regret at a one-off "foolish mistake" and forgiven him. The same goes for some men who have been on the receiving end of an extra marital affair. Still, a cheating spouse is NOT generally tolerated - even once. In fact, it is the quickest way of landing in the divorce court that I know of!

This brings us to baggage. Now we all have SOME baggage. We may have been married and divorced once or twice before. It may be that we have issues from an unhappy childhood that impact negatively on our lives as we get older. What about the "baggage" associated with have young children from some other relationship? Problems with child visitations, abusive ex-husband's and hassles with child support can really put a girl off! Either they're fixable, manageable or .... they're in the too hard basket and it's time to move on.

I've left Unrealistic Expectations to last for a reason. Most people who get married do not really understand why they are getting married. They think it's because they love the other person whereas the real underlying reason is this: -

They think that the other person will fulfill their needs. This is the main reason why they love the other person. Think about this. They see their new spouse as the person who is going to make their life complete. Past baggage will disappear, as their new partner fulfils all their dreams. The areas in which he or she doesn't currently deliver on .... well, he or she foolishly thinks that they''ll just change that over time! Big mistake. This explains why so many people marry someone that they really aren't suited for.

So, do you stay in your marriage or not?

This really depends on your own values. There is no right or wrong answer for everyone. However, whatever decision you make, make it honestly. Don't kid yourself. Make sure that you think it through ... especially if you still love your spouse. As Oprah says, "We are not our mistakes". It may be that counselling can help save the marriage. Unfortunately, by the time one spouse has reached a point where he or she is contemplating separation and divorce, it is often too late.

Except in the case of infidelity and perhaps spousal abuse, the decision to stay married or get divorced is one that often takes time to consider. The practical consequences should be looked at and you should talk these over with a divorce lawyer who is also familiar with any Social Security and/or tax implications.

One final thought. While most people who get divorced believe that they made the right decision, they often feel that had they done things differently BEFORE they went off the rails, they may have been able to save their marriage.

When most people think they want a divorce, what they really want is a change. If you think that there is a chance of saving your marriage BUT you don't know where to start. I strongly suggest you that you take steps today and visit the following link: www.divorceandwomen.com/save-marriage.html

Whatever you decide, know that there IS life after divorce ... just ask some of your divorced friends!

© Barry J. Roche