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WHY
WOMEN SHOULD DATE
AFTER DIVORCE
Divorce is a major life change and so it's usually very stressful. This is why you may be experiencing a lot of nervous tension and poor sleep (and why you need to start taking care of yourself and your health). When it comes to post-marriage issues such as dating after divorce, again different people react in different ways. For many women, dating is about the last thing on their mind. In the early stages of separation and divorce, you're more likely to be feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, depressed, frightened, nervous and even guilty. Issues surrounding the children, living arrangements, access, how you're going to get by financially and property settlement are going to be more important than dating some new man. You may even be "over men", at least temporarily. It may be that you are still in love with your husband and you are experiencing that sense of loss and grief. Sometimes separation and divorce are harder than if your spouse had died in a car accident - at least that way, there's no chance of you running into him down the street! There
are no hard and fast rules as to when women should date after
divorce. Divorce is a process - not just a legal and practical
one, but an emotional and psychological journey as well. What
we have found though is that it is tougher to deal with where
the other party has already entered into a new relationship
with someone else, and you haven't. You can feel a lot of
anger and resentment in such circumstances. Why, because you
feel like a victim - cast off for someone newer, prettier,
younger or perhaps he's just discovered he's gay! (a) Letting go of old habits, patterns, expectations and dependencies. (b) Accepting what you can't change and learning to let go of hurt, fear, blame, guilt and resentment. (c) Re-evaluating your own expectations so you don't repeat past mistakes. (d) Forming a a balanced view of your new situation. (e) Re-building your self-confidence to develop a new intimate relationship. Here, we're concerned with (e) above. We know that you may be completely dis-interested in dating or having any sort of intimate relationship with another man right now. That's okay but there will be |
a time when this isn't the case. Don't believe us? How many divorced women do you already know who haven't gone on to form new relationships or re-marry - not many probably! Guess what, the same thing is very likely going to happen to you also. It's just a question of when. What's more important is knowing when you're ready to start dating. Starting too soon or for the wrong reasons is not going to help re-build your self-confidence or help you develop an openness to new intimate relationships. Let's not overlook the fact that you may be the one who wants the divorce. You may already be in a relationship with someone other than your husband. These days, the world is a two-way street right! We've known some women who have started dating almost immediately. Others may enjoy what are known as "transitional sex partners". These are usually people who become good friends and bed partners during the intervening period between divorce and falling in love again. One
of the major issues for women when they're ready to start dating
is where and how to start. Personally, we believe that you should
start by simply getting together with friends or work colleagues
for fun, relaxation and enjoyment. Men can spot a desperate
housewife a mile off! It's often when you stop worrying about finding a new man that everything starts to fall into
place. If you are having a good time, you'll automatically make
an impact and attract attention. No one wants to be around someone
who doesn't have a sense of humour or who is depressed and untalkative! These days, there are many online dating services available. You can take your pick. However, the services featured on our website have been around for some time. With some others, you really don't know who or what you're actually dealing with. So, be cautious - make sure you're the one in control and never give out your address or phone number. If and when you choose to meet some cyber friend in person, make sure it is in a safe environment and away from your home or workplace. Women should date after divorce. It may be a bit more complicated where you have children but you has a life too. Remember, every day of your children's lives ... is a day of yours! © Barry J. Roche |
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Barry Roche is a Divorce Expert and Consultant Author for Divorce and Women. He is also the author of numerous divorce articles and ebooks including, “How To “Win” When Facing Divorce”. He is a former Family Law Specialist who wrote this book specifically for women. The book is available for purchase at http://www.divorceandwomen.com/help.html. (This article may be reproduced provided it is unedited, the copyright is acknowledged and the information in the resource box and links are published with it.) |
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The Dating Dilema: Divorced Women and Their Transitional Sex Partners.
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